We Have Cookies!
by The Sacred Feminine
Summary: In a last ditch attempt to gather followers, Voldemort makes cookeas and goes to almost anyone to geth them to join him... Please be nice, I'm not that good at funny stuff...


**A/N-Hi all! I came up with this when I was on fire hot quotes and decided to write it! I hope you like it!**

**PS-Please don't dis my ditch attempt to put some humor in this, I'm not cut out to be a comedian!**

It was the final battle. Almost all of Voldemort'e followers had either been taken to Azkaban or killed. He had ten left; Avery, Malfoy, Snape, Lestrange, Nott, Crabbe, Goyle, Zabini, Parkinson and Moon. Voldemort came up with a plan. It wasn't a very great one but it would help get more follooewers. He went to the kitchen one sunny afternoon and asked the house elves to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and bring them to the front room on a silver platter when they were done. the elves looked at him oddly but went about gathering together what they would need to make the cookies.

Then Voldemort went to his dungeons and started negotiating with the firt prisoner he came across. It was none other than Draco Malfoy.

"Why won't you join the dark side?" Voldemort asked while trying to pout.

Draco looked at him oddly and said, "I will never serve you!"

"But we have cookies!" Voldemort cried. "Come to the dark side and you get a free cookie. They're chocolate chip! Made by my house elves, they're awfully good at it and I would hate to have to tell them that no one wanted to eat their cookies!"

Draco was scared. He backed away slowly and pushed himself as far as he could against the wall. "I'll take a cookie," he said, "but I don't want to join the dark side."

"No! You can only have a cookie if you join me!" Voldemort crossed his arms and stomped his foot. To Draco he looked like a three year old when he did that. When Draco wouldn't comply, Voldemort went to the next prisoner and then the next and the next until... he ran out of cells and prisoners. After all hi begging and pleading he had come up with one new follower. He didn't look like someone you would see on the dark side but, voldemort thout. you can't have everything.

"So," The new follower, his name was Charie, said brightly, "Where are these cookies?" Voldemort clapped him on the back and led him out of the dungeons. As they left Draco coudn't help but envy the guy. It's not every day that Voldemort comes down to the dungeons, offers you cookies and begs you to join the dark side.

(Insert line here)

It had been two days and still Voldemort only had eleven deatheaters. The ceremony had been preformed and Charie had the dark mark on his arm. Voldemort decided that he would venture out into the wizarding world and ask people to join the dark side. If he didn't have at least twenty death eaters by then he would Owl Dumbledore and tell them that he didn't want to take over the world anymore.

First he went to the Jone's family. The jones's were a group of very respected wizards. Neil Jones was a half blood, his wife, Michelle, was a pure blood. His children, Mandy and chris, were a mix. As far as they were concerned, there was no dark VS light. There was no Voldemort or Harry Potter. There wasn't a war going on and half of the wizarding world wasn't dead.

Voldemort knocked on the door.

Neil answered, "Can I help you?" He asked.

"Yes, umm, I was wondering if you would like to join the dark side..." Voldemort stuttered.

"Who is it daddy?" Neil's youngest, Mandy appeared in the doorway. She looked up at Voldemort, "Who are you?"

"I am Lord Voldemort. I was wondering if you would like to join the dark side and live with me at my manor."

"Leave my daughter out of this!" Neil demanded, "Many go get your mother. Then take your bbrother and go play with your toys. Ask him to read you a book." Mandy nodded and ran inside. You could hear her yelling for Michelle.

"What is it dear?" Michelle asked standing beside her husband.

"This man, Mr. Voldemort, Would like to know if we want to join the dark side."

"You get cookies!" Voldemort said. "They';re chocolate chip! Made especially by my house elves. They're fresh and chewy and filled with chocolate chips and _please join the dark side_!" Voldemort knelt down on his knees and put his hands together in a praying gesture.

Michelle looked at him pityingly. "Maybe we should join him honey. Look at him, he looks so desprate!"

Neil went back into the house and came out minutes later with Chris and Mandy. They were wearng their travelling cloaks."Where is this place where we're going?" Neil asked. Voldemort smiled tearfully and led them back to his manor. After giving Michelle and Neil the dark mark, he ventured back out again. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't get anyone else to join him. At dusk he returned home and tried his prisoners again. He talked to eachone of them and only got one more. Her name was Belinda. An elderly lady that had about five years of life left in her. He gave her the dark mark and called all of his death eaters to the conference room. He surveyed them and sighed forlornly.

"We are going to make one last attack," He said. "If we can't get anything done now, I'm afraid that we might have to surrender." He wiped away a tear. "You have all been very faithful to me and I want you all to know that without you, I would never have gotten anything done! Thank you all so much!" He wiped away anoter tear, "Let's head out!" He led thm to the edge of the forbidden forest and nodded once. They all spread out and, on his signal, charged the grounds. Almost immediately, half of his deatheaters were taken out by stunners. Half of the other half retreated back into the forest. the other half stayed with Voldemort and cast as many spells as they could. When all that was left was Belinda, Michelle and Voldemort, surrounded by aurors, Voldemort let out a strangeled cry, "Join me! Please! I have a plate of cookies at home!"

"They're really very lovely, "Belinda added. Michelle nodded in agreement.

"Please!" Voldemort was on his knees again. He sniffed, "I have cookies!" He said quietly.

**A/N-Okay, so it's not as funny as I had hoped but what can I say, I'm not cut out to be a comedian!**


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